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Redford encounter |
| What do people do if they are fortunate enough
to stumble into an encounter with the impossible dream? Do they
become tongue-tied? Utter something banal? Swoon from the excitement?
Or carry it off with plausible eloquence? I sense it's impossible to predict as every reaction is personal and unique. However, It wouldn't surprise me if most of their reactions could be categorized as "not especially cool." Recently Sweetie and I dined with a couple who are close friends, and as it often is with close friends, the conversation was hilariously intimate. I relate this tale with permission, but out of deference to the couple's privacy, I will call them Herbert and Sandra. And why do I choose these names? Simply because I haven't heard anyone called Herbert or Sandra for years and I don't think those names should pass into oblivion. So, one day years ago Herbert and Sandra were vacationing in Park City, Utah, and as they were exiting a restaurant who should they encounter in the parking lot? None other than the impossible dream of most women in those days, Robert Redford. Though time is catching up with Mr. Redford, as it does with all of us, Mr. Redford then looked like he was chiseled by Michelangelo out of Carrera marble. If there ever was a countenance that could launch a thousand revelries, it was his. Sandra was overcome with what the Victorians referred to as "the vapors" and momentarily lost bladder control. "Get hold of yourself," whispered stout-hearted Herbert, grabbing her arm in an effort to stabilize her. Pulling herself together, she managed to stammer, "I loved every one of your pictures, Mr. Redford. You're such a wonderful actor." It all past in a split second. Mr. Redford offered a gracious thank-you and disappeared into the restaurant. Herbert turned to Sandra and said, "That was the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life." "I think so, too," Sandra replied. "But I didn't know what else to say." "What should she have said?" I asked Herbert. "I don't know, but it didn't have to be that dumb," he answered. "If I had it all to over again, I would have said, 'Do you think I could have little kiss and a hug?'" Sandra rejoined. "Right on!" Sweetie yelled. "That's pretty dumb too," Herbert said, in response to Sandra's comment and Sweetie's exuberance. "Well, dude," I said addressing Herbert, "what would you have liked to hear her say?" "Whatever she wanted to say would be OK. Something intelligent would have been nice." "Like what for instance?" I persisted. "How should I know? It was for her to say. But she could have said something other than 'You're such a wonderful actor.' That's just dumb. I mean dumb with a capital D." "So you've said," I replied. "But what if you met Julia Roberts under similar conditions; what would you say?" "Nothing," he answered. "Julia Roberts doesn't do a thing for me." "If you must know," Sandra chimed in, "you don't do anything for her either." "Veeery funny," said Herbert. "Try Sophia Loren on him," Sandra said. "OK, Herb, so what if you bumped into Sophia Loren?" I asked. "What would you say?" A lengthy pause and finally - "It depends upon where we met. If it was on the street it would be one response, if it was at a party it would be another." "And if it was at a nudist colony?" Sandra interjected. "Wherever it was, I'd manage to say something that wouldn't be dumb." "Like 'Hi, Toots'? You're such a smooth operator, Herbie. You're a virtual Cary Grant," Sandra said. He gave her a snide glance and we went on to some other topic. At evening's end I said to Sandra and Herb I would like to write a column about the Robert Redford encounter and all that ensued. They gave me their blessing and I asked Herb if he would call me with his verbal response to the illusory meeting with Sophia Loren. It's been two weeks and I haven't heard a word. It wouldn't surprise me if he has come to realize Sandra's reaction to Robert Redford wasn't the dumbest thing he has ever heard after all. We never know what we are going to say until we get there. There are the rare wits like George Bernard Shaw and Dorothy Parker who always came up with the perfect response, but most of us have to settle for just everyday stuff. |